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| Long slow straight distances |
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| Best Pony thinks water is great fun |
And with company...
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| DogDog is fat and needs more exercise so she comes on our walks |
We've been going for daily walks that last between 60 and 90 minutes. This gives me plenty of time for introspection. I've been thinking alot about how much anxiety I have because of jumping. Frankly, I'm terrified on a regular basis. I rode my friend's Training level packer in a lesson over fences that were 2'6" - 2'9" and I spent a good portion of the lesson just trying to breathe through the anxiety. I knew that no matter what happened Martini would take care of me and yet I still struggled.
Before the red mare and my accident I had no concept of this kind of fear. Now it is a daily struggle. I have a safe and honest horse. I'm a good rider with a solid seat. Yet, cantering down to a 2'6" oxer can paralyze me with fear.
But I keep coming back to it. Eventing has a hold of my heart and no amount of misplaced anxiety seems to be loosening it's grip. So I keep saddling up and keep giving it a solid effort. Some days are highs and some are lows but every day is still a step in the right direction.
Today I came across this post and it resonated with me so strongly I immediately had to write this post.
Always one more time has been my philospohy, Alexandra Franzen just gave me the right words to describe it.
When I get disheartened I will remind myself. I will softly repeat it every time I feel like giving up. I will recount is loudly every time I canter up to a XC fence that unnerves me.
Always one more time.
Love this post, and love the linked story. Thank you! I'm going to share the linked post on my blog as well - it really hit home for me.
ReplyDeletePS: You've totally got this, a big part of the reason I started reading your blog was because I admire how badass you are about conquering your fears :)
great post - and great philosophy! that anxiety and fear is very real and something i really struggle with too... but it's not insurmountable :)
ReplyDeleteIt's so hard to let go of fear, great post! I'm working on "one more time" myself :)
ReplyDeleteAs someone who dealt with that crippling fear for years... I can say, as long as you want to keep jumping, do it! I had to push even when I thought for sure that 2'6 air vertical was going to kill me.. Thankfully my trainer never let me say no.
ReplyDeleteNow being on the other side of that fear I feel amazing!
I am not any better of a rider now but my mind is in a better place... Idk what made the switch go off.
Keep up the good work and yes one.more.time!! You got this :)
Fear is such a crippling thing. It's so hard to try and let go and try to convince yourself to give it one more go. Good for you!
ReplyDeleteI found my way here from Oh Gingersnap's post and have enjoyed reading about your cast and crew. I hope Dee is well on the road to recovery and that the one more time motto helps heal the anxiety. We all get it thanks for sharing the other link too. That is next on my to-read list along with Shimmer-E's blog ☺
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