Tough Decisions

For months now, almost everyone in my life has been after me to sell the mare.  I have felt that I wanted to keep at it.  I kept at it.  I sent her for training. I didn't want to quit, give up or fail.  A conversation with a casual acquaintance changed everything.

Sometimes it goes well

Selling the mare is not giving up.  It's not quitting.  And it sure doesn't make me a failure.  The conversation made me realize one very important truth: I'm too important to get hurt. At this point I don't feel safe jumping the mare, especially on XC.  Even when everything is going great I'm always nervous and slightly terrified.

That may sound narcissistic and egotistical but I truly believe that I need to put my safety first.  I've already suffered one major and life-changing injury due to a fall and another one is in the cards if I keep falling off. If I fall off on XC there is a greater possibility that I will get seriously injured or worse.

The trainer has done a fabulous job with the mare but it comes down to confidence.  Both the mare and I require a partner who can lend us confidence.  This deficit of confidence is contributing to the downward spiral that is our partnership.  It's time for the mare to find a partner who can give her the confidence to succeed and it's time for me to find the same, I think we will both be happier.

If I only wanted to do dressage and trail riding I would keep her in a heartbeat.  I love this horse.  I love riding her, but I want to event and for the two of us, this is not going to happen.

So we decided that I would not bring her home.  She is with the trainer to be sold.  It breaks my heart to sell her because I look at her sale ad and video and think, "I'd buy that horse."

I am confident this is the right decision for both of us but it's still hard and part of me hopes she sells fast so that I can move onto the next chapter.

Our happy place