Confidence Isn't Re-built In a Day

I have yet another saddle on trial right now(the 9th jumping saddle, but who's counting).  I actually think it may be a keeper, but I want at least one more ride before making a decision.

Since I had a saddle to ride in I actually got to have another jumping lesson.  I'd had a rough day at work so I headed to the barn early so I could set fences by myself.  It's amazing how 30 minutes of manual labour and tossing poles around can work off a shitty mood.  My coach had me set up fences coming out of the corner on the diagonal with one fence at X.  Accuracy and steering were the name of the game.

My epic MS Paint skills at work

Turns out, Dee thinks she's in charge of the steering, which caused us some grief when jumping towards the wall.  It took a few tries but we managed to pull it together.  After we were all successful at jumping a single fence into the wall and doing a half ten-meter circle to jump the center jump we moved onto angles.  We had to jump the pink into the wall, the green to the purple to the brown.  The plan was to jump the green and brown straight and take the purple on an angle.  Our first go at it was a bit of a train wreck.  We jumped the pink at an angle (basically like a straight quarter line), had a decent green and completely missed the purple.  Take 2 was much better.  We got our shit together for the first jump and the rest rode quite nice.

We then moved on to adding the other diagonal (which seemed to ride much nicer).  When that went well we moved on to doing shallow loops, green to purple to blue and then to the other side.  This was actually easier than I anticipated and I did both sides with minimal trouble.

Proof I do ride my horse

We went to turn it around, doing the brown to the purple to the pink, and this is where it all fell apart.  I came into the brown with almost no pace, which (justifiably) caused a refusal.  We represented but at this point I was TERRIFIED and just kinda sat there like a lump.  It was an ugly jump and then I pulled her out of the line because there was no way in my state of mind I was capable of even getting over any more fences.  By this time I had fallen into a full on neurotic meltdown.  These jumps are not scary or big but some switch flipped and I was crying and shaking and could hardly breathe.  I was barely able to walk her in a circle so my coach had me sit off to the side and take a few minutes.  Once I got myself under control I had her put one fence down to a cross rail and then jumped some single fences (including the brown one) and called it a day.  I got off and gave my pony a big hug.  

My confidence was shattered by the red mare. I had numerous falls caused by run-outs, starting with the one that destroyed my ankle (and balance).  I kept at it for over a year thinking we could ride through it and make it happen.  All we did was succeed in making me terrified.  

Since I've bought Dee it's gotten so much better.  Oxers only cause me minimal grief, we've schooled 3'3" and everything that scares me on cross country.  Apparently my past is going to rear it's ugly head every once in awhile though. I'm grateful that I have the best pony who takes care of me and did not turf me last night.  I just wish I didn't have this anxiety that likes to show up unannounced. I'm hoping that as time gets on I can trust in myself, and my horse because last night was very frustrating and embarrassing.

Where The Red Mare and I Part Ways, In More Than One Way

So my last post about the mare saw me falling off when she reared and went down.  After that the mare and I hauled down to Alborak to clinic with Sandra Donnelly.  I hoped that all would go well but I also really hoped that the mare would show her obstinate side so that I could get some help.

Well horses being horses, the mare was a complete rockstar.  The only run-out we had was more pilot error than anything.  On the morning of the second day I also showed the mare in an Extreme Cowboy event, mostly because my mom was doing it and the mare's done it before so why not.  She warmed up well and we were the first ride of the day.  When I went in and asked her to pick up a canter she started bucking.  And I mean bucking, not just hopping around.  My rein snapped and I bailed off.  Turns out, in Extreme Cowboy, you have 60 seconds to catch and remount if you want to continue.  I got back on the mare and managed to complete the course without an issue.  I've never seen her buck before or since so I'm not sure what happened but I quickly loaded up and was off to have a great second day to my clinic.

The mare got a mini vacation at my moms horse before we did the Cochrane HT.  We had a great weekend.  We had two XC refusals but we jumped the ditch and finished on a number!  Things were really looking up.

It's the last fence.  Can you tell I was pleased with her?

The next weekend was the Sidesaddle Clinic at the BarU (which is a whole post on it's own).  The mare was a delight the whole weekend, even jumping aside!

So much fun!!!

And then there was Thompson Country HT.  What a weekend.  I thought dressage on Friday went pretty well but I felt I was tense and our corners definitely lacked polish.  Turns out the judge disagreed.  We were sitting in 1st out of a very competitive division of 30+!!!!

On Saturday we were having a good warm up for XC but it was excessively hot and they were running behind so we just chilled out for a bit.  When we were only a few riders out my coach had me school the vertical and then come to the oxer.  The vertical rode perfectly but the mare stalled out in front of the oxer and then tried to pop over it but just crashed through it.  I popped off, mostly landing on my feet.  After getting cleared by the paramedic I got back on, schooled the vertical a few times and re-approached the oxer.  The mare slid to a stop and spun out left (witness' said it was a very dirty stop) and, you guessed it, I came off again. I landed on my feet again though.  So the ground jury eliminated me after getting cleared by the paramedic.  I didn't even know you could be eliminated in warmup :(


To say I was disappointing would be an understatement.  I had reached the end of my rope.  Between the rearing, the bucking and the stopping I was getting scared and discouraged.  I'm a good rider but I also have a physical limitation with my weak ankle that also compromises my balance.  After the rearing incident I had contacted a trainer friend of mine to inquire about putting some training on the mare.  We had decided that she would head down in August since the trainer would be gone for 10 days to go to Rebecca Farm.  She was at the event and offered to take the mare a few weeks early as she had room on her trailer.  So I loaded the mare into her trailer and wished her luck.

When she is good, she is so good!

Dr. Jekyll and Mr.Hyde

So before my horse went on a week's vacation at my mother's I wanted to get out and school Beaumont x-country one more time. So I convinced my coach that our Wednesday night lesson should be at Beaumont.

Isabel and Martini showing us how it's done, after the incident.

The mare started out really well.  We jumped the Pre-Entry and Entry parts of the train and then our coach had us jump the Pre-Training coop in the train.  Mare sailed over it like it was NBD.  We moved over to the new complex and did the Entry line a few times before she had us do the Pre-Training bench.  I will admit that the bench freaked me out a little so I let the mare duck out the first time.  But the second time I actually rode it and she just popped right over it.

The pipeyard also went superbly until we went for the Pre-Training coop with two half circles cut into the bottom.  I got the first actual fear response from the mare.  About 12 strides out she got a good look at it and started snorting and refused to move forward.  I got her going and she slammed on the brakes in front of the fence.  I made her walk up to it, she sniffed it and then we were good to go.  I planned to trot on the reapproach but the mare picked up a canter 4 strides out and carried me right to the fence.  The other girls also all had refusals at that fence, on much more experienced horses.

We also jumped the airplane on the first try.  Considering last time this jump brought out a rear-and-spin I considered it a vast improvement.

The jump she would not jump...

Then we moved onto the farmyard with the black and red feeder that caused us grief at the event.  Let's just say it caused us more grief.  After 2 run-outs my coach told me to hold onto the right side of her face and keep her moving no matter what.  What comes next is slightly fuzzy but the mare went to go left, I blocked the run-out and she reared straight up, cracking me in the nose.  She then went over to the right.  I think she tried to spin left but I had a hold of the right rein and she lost her balance because everyone says she just kind of crumpled.  Descriptions vary but I think she landed on my bad ankle and I cracked my head hard enough that I needed a new helmet.

Too bad Tipperary doesn't have a frequent buyers card.  This is my third helmet in the past 18 months.

I got back on and rode for another 20 minutes, schooling banks, the ditch and the water all without issue but it was decided that I shouldn't try the feeder again that day.

This day was the straw that broke the camels back.  I don't know how to deal with the mare and her tendency to flip a switch and turn into Mr.Hyde.   The fence is not big, it's not even that scary but once she got it in her head that she didn't want to jump it I was unable to convince her that that is an unacceptable answer.

It's time for me to get some more help than my coach can provide.  The mare is going for training for the month of August.  We will see how that goes and go from there.  It's disheartening to have to send her but something has to give, and I would prefer it not to be my body.

Chainsaws, Shampoo, Sunburns and Tack

Saturday was a full barn day.  I stopped by the Beaumont cross country course to watch Sarah ride in a clinic.  Pony did really well and the clinician spent some time with Sarah working on keeping Pony out of his favourite spot, the deepest spot possible.

Sarah and Pony (yes, he has a name but no one uses it)

 

After I headed out to the barn to hack out the mare.  Since we had the x-country derby on Sunday I wanted to take her for a good ride to take the edge off.  We started off with a brisk trot and before I knew it we had trotted almost a mile and a half!  After a short walk break, which was more for me than my horse, we started back at the trot.  We were trotting by a yard when some idiot started his chainsaw no more than 5 feet from us!  Mare reared up, did a complete 180 and took off the other direction.  Thankfully she did it so gracefully I had no problem sticking with her.  I got her back under control and turned around to go back the way we were going.  I gave the guy a piece of my mind and all he had to say was "I didn't think it would scare her".  My response may or may not have been "It's a F@*^!ng CHAINSAW!"

After that incident my ride went downhill.  She just wasn't focused on me.  In total we went 9.4 miles in 1hr20min but it wasn't until mile 9 that she stopped acting like everything was going to jump out and hack her legs off.  Needless to say it was a challenging and difficult ride.

Beautiful day for leather therapy

Once we got back I gave her a quick bath because she's not great to hose off so I am aiming to hose her every chance I get (I also don't want her to get all sweaty, stand in the sun and turn a faded orange).  Bonus was it took off a bunch of the winter hair that has been hanging on.

I let her hang out and graze while I gave all my tack a deep clean and oil.  There is something therapeutic about cleaning tack.  I may have had a difficult ride and a challenging bath but an hour spent cleaning tack does wonders for the mood.

In all I think I was outside for about 4 hours.  I am a fanatic about sunscreen since I have the complexion of a redhead without the actual red hair.  I was wearing a SPF 30 on my entire upper body (I spray myself, then get dressed so that I don't miss spots) and a SPF 60 on my face.  My face survived the day with nothing more than a few freckles but my shoulders and back were not so lucky.  The picture is from shortly after I got home and the burn proceeded to get worse well into the evening.  I've now invested in SPF 60 for my body and have added a bottle to my brush bag so that I can apply right before I get on.

Not fun, not fun at all

Next up, the challenge of finding the right bra/shirt combo for the derby on Sunday that won't irritate my shoulder and back.

Pony Filled Weekend

Friday was my day off so I headed down to Red Deer for the Gold Dressage show where Shimmer-E was showing her lovely 4-year-old RPSI stallion in their first Gold show.

I'm a braiding machine! (And Ritchie was convinced his water belonged on the floor, hence the Captain Jack pose)

Her weekend started off with a bumpy start, her Thursday hack was tense, distracted and Ritchie threw in a buck. Friday morning she was feeling nervous and discouraged and like she may have over-faced her horse.  After another tense warm up she elected to dismount because she was not feeling confident or safe.  After a quick discussion with the steward it was decided that I could in fact warm him up.  So I grabbed my boots and breeches out of the car, borrowed her helmet and mounted up. Studly Pants was a little behind my leg, and a lot tense but I said "go forward, and go forward NOW" and since Shimmer-E has installed all the right buttons he responded with "Yes, Ma'am".  We went on to have a solid warm up.  He was no where near as relaxed as he can be, nor as forward but he was willing and obedient.  For a baby stallion at his first really big atmosphere I think we can call that a win.  They went in to take a 67.7% in First Level-1, good enough for a first!

Saturday I got up early to go and ride Ritchie again since Shimmer-E was teaching a first-aid course.  He schooled just lovely and then I settled him in for the day and booked it home.  I loaded up my mare, went and grabbed a couple of friends and their horses and made the trek to Minds Eye Ranch for our first cross-country school of the year.  It deserves a post of it's own, so stay tuned!

Most handsomest baby pony

Sunday I headed back to Red Deer to help out Shimmer-E again.  I got him braided and all groomed up (she had let him roll in the arena-this is me publicly shaming her for not bathing him after!) and hoped on to warm him up again.  He warmed up fabulously!!!!  I couldn't have asked for anything better.  There was a small jump set up (read 12", maybe) and he even got his first experience going over a fence with a rider.  Once those massive joints of his fuse I'm totally stealing him and he's going to make a fabulous jumper.

Amanda got on and was having a great warm up until a gelding walked by in a scrim sheet.  The sheet for some reason caused a baby meltdown.  They had to go in and ride their test and Shimmer-E kept it together and rode the very distracted and tense horse that showed up and managed to pull off a ride that was good enough for 3rd.  We just couldn't get his brain back so after a few 'discussions' about acceptable behaviour we ended on a decent note and put him back in his stall to hopefully let him settle.

We pulled him out for his last test of the day and he was back to being a very good boy.  A few bobbles left them slightly behind their first First Level score but it was still good enough to win the class.  It was a really good place to end his show weekend (after a brief photo shoot with his handsome ribbons).

Thanks to Natural Expressions Photography for this lovely photo of a most handsome boy.

Red Mare Meltdown

I love my horse, I really do.  But sometimes I just want to strangle her.

Gratuitous photo of her showing off her posing skills

After a winter stuck in the indoor we are both sick of circles and arenas so we have been hacking out down the road for the past few weeks.  Every single time we go out I have been walking her down into the ditch and through the puddles (in our quest to be a fearless event horse).

Our ride started out really well.  We had hit the 2 mile mark and since I was aiming for a short ride we were going to turn and head for home after traipsing through the puddle.  Well we walked through the puddle into the field with minimal fuss.  When I asked her to go back through to the road all I got was a loud, resounding "No".  For the life of me I could not get her to walk into the puddle (which may have been fetlock deep and I could see the bottom).  She tried every evasion in the book.  She reared, she spun away, she kicked out behind when I used my whip, she bolted away, she put her nose on her chest and backed up and finally she just stood and refused to move, despite the pony club kicks.

Since i was obviously not getting anywhere I walked her down to the end of the field to where the puddles aren't as wide and got off.  I led her through the puddles a few times (with minimal theatrics) and then remounted.  After that we were back to walking through water like a champ.

I try really hard not to pick fights that I can't win but in this instance I didn't even realize we were fighting until the battle was raging on.  While I was unable to get her through where I originally asked I am going to count it as a success.  It's not like we had a choice either, the field is completely surrounded by water filled ditches.  To get out we had to cross the water again.

The rest of the ride was uneventful but the mare was dripping sweat from our earlier battle so we took it easy, worked on our bow and then she enjoyed a fabulous roll in the arena.  I even managed to get her mane pulled and under control.

Posing Fail, but isn't her mane purdy?