Two Years

Two years ago I stole a horse.

The day I brought her home. I need new photos, she looks so different!

Ok, I did pay for her, but I paid so little I might as well have stolen her. Seriously, who sells a rock solid Pre-Training (Novice) packer with plenty of Training miles for less than I paid for my used Amerigo?

Our first show (that resulted in our first cooler)

Two years ago trying to jump an oxer would almost certainly send my anxiety through the roof. I was having panic attacks almost every time I jumped (even if the jumps were under 2'6").

First XC School

I was casually looking for a new partner. I had a pretty short wish list:

1) Jump All the Jumps

2) Preferably no greys

3) Jump ALL the Jumps

4) Everything else is negotiable

All the jumps. even the crazy ones!

Dee checked all the boxes, and some of the ones I didn't even think about (Next time I will make it no greys and no pintos though. I'm so sick of purple shampoo).

Who knew I needed a horse that would let me "pony" my dog?

Or would take me to my first Endurance ride?

Or do a dressage test aside, after only 2 other sidesaddle rides

Or learn silly tricks, just to appease my inner child

Slowly but surely my little, overlooked, rockstar has helped me find my confidence again. We recently went XC schooling and we did the Prelim water line like it was no big deal!

I can check Rebecca Farm off my life list

Oxers (and triple bars) no longer have me quaking in my boots. I know we can successfully jump around a 1.0-1.10m stadium course. Dressage is still a major challenge but I have faith that we can get around any course thrown at us.

Still one of the best moments

I can't find the right words to explain what this horse means to me. All I can really do is leave this reminder: Life is too short to ride a horse you aren't enjoying. Find the one that matches you and the world opens up in ways you wouldn't believe.

She sure doesn't look (or act) 19

Best Pony Goes Trail Riding

Isabel and I hauled out to Blackfoot Grazing Reserve to take the ponies for what was supposed to be a leisurely trail ride.  We started off in the fields and made the ponies walk calmly up and down all the hills.  Dee was game but Martini was pretty sure we should canter or trot.

I love fall rides

We ended up moving a little quicker than we thought, going 15 km in just over 2 hours.  It was the first big trail ride I've taken Dee on because I'm trying to bring her fitness up slowly.  I'm pretty sure she was getting tired (at the very least she should have been) but she was completely game to continue on.  I think she would power on until she dropped from exhaustion.  I never once had to push her, I held her back more than anything.  Turns out my little Saddlebred completely outwalks the 16.1 TB.

Sweaty Pony

The more I ride this horse, the happier I am.  I'm sure we will have rough days because nothing is ever smooth sailing but she's so willing and honest I'm having more fun than I have in a very long time.  We actually hauled to a XC course a few hours away just to get one final schooling in and it was funner than I could have hoped.  Dee and I babysat the greenbean 3 year olds in between schooling.  She jumped everything I pointed her at and then was content to stand with the babies or lead them over tiny logs. Not once was I scared for my life.  I had forgotten what it felt like to not be completely terrified of a XC course and Dee is giving my back my confidence.

Tough Decisions

For months now, almost everyone in my life has been after me to sell the mare.  I have felt that I wanted to keep at it.  I kept at it.  I sent her for training. I didn't want to quit, give up or fail.  A conversation with a casual acquaintance changed everything.

Sometimes it goes well

Selling the mare is not giving up.  It's not quitting.  And it sure doesn't make me a failure.  The conversation made me realize one very important truth: I'm too important to get hurt. At this point I don't feel safe jumping the mare, especially on XC.  Even when everything is going great I'm always nervous and slightly terrified.

That may sound narcissistic and egotistical but I truly believe that I need to put my safety first.  I've already suffered one major and life-changing injury due to a fall and another one is in the cards if I keep falling off. If I fall off on XC there is a greater possibility that I will get seriously injured or worse.

The trainer has done a fabulous job with the mare but it comes down to confidence.  Both the mare and I require a partner who can lend us confidence.  This deficit of confidence is contributing to the downward spiral that is our partnership.  It's time for the mare to find a partner who can give her the confidence to succeed and it's time for me to find the same, I think we will both be happier.

If I only wanted to do dressage and trail riding I would keep her in a heartbeat.  I love this horse.  I love riding her, but I want to event and for the two of us, this is not going to happen.

So we decided that I would not bring her home.  She is with the trainer to be sold.  It breaks my heart to sell her because I look at her sale ad and video and think, "I'd buy that horse."

I am confident this is the right decision for both of us but it's still hard and part of me hopes she sells fast so that I can move onto the next chapter.

Our happy place