Buster Creek HT Recap

So this is long overdue. I was waiting on some photos but to be honest, I wasn't sure I was going to recap this show. It was pretty much a disaster from the word go. And it ended in a spectacularly unfair way, which has left me very upset and bitter with Alberta eventing.

But I admire those bloggers who are consistently honest and give us glimpses into the good and the bad and there is really no point in only chronicling the good. It's super long, sorry-not-sorry for the word vomit.

Parking at this event is notoriously tight, the main parking was full by noon on Thursday (for a Friday start). I decided that rather than fucking around with my rig in a tiny space I'd just take the day off and head out early.

I was there and parked by 9:30. The parking guru parked me in a great spot, super close to the stalls, washrooms and in the trees so it'd be shady all weekend. Unfortunately, he also blocked me in from every side. Normally this wouldn't be a huge issue but I was riding in the second division (meaning I would be done by 10:30 on Sunday) and the rigs parked around me were in the second last division. Slightly irritating, but manageable.

I had a really great dressage school on Thursday afternoon in the insanely busy ring, was able to give my swamp monster a bath and then a XC course walk (Sandra was only there on Thursday and Friday, so she wouldn't be able to warm me up on Saturday).

My dressage ride time was 12:30 so I was able to get a good pre-ride (remembering I don't warm up for dressage). Unfortunately Dee was in a mood by the time I got on to head down to the ring and would not walk. I knew I was in for a pretty interesting test at this point. I spent the next 10 minutes doing plenty of transitions and small circles, just trying to get her focus. By the time we headed down the centerline we were slightly better, but as the test went on Dee just got faster and more inverted. I got tighter and quit breathing. Such a great combination.

Not relaxed but I love her expression
Photo by Sarah's Equine Design

There were really good moments on the test (an 8 for our first centerline), but also some really terrible ones (4.5's for all the walk work, which was actually quite generous as we did not actually walk). Someone asked me afterwards if I had a dressage coach :(

We ended up with a 55% (67.5 penalty points) and were sitting in 17 out of 19. Our worst score to date but not last. I'll take it. The photographer got some fabulous photos so that's a win.

Such love for this photo from Sarah's Equine Design

XC morning dawned and I was feeling pretty good. I had a plan, I felt good about the plan and I was going to beat down the anxiety demons and put down a clean (but slow) round. We were taking both options rather than attempt the corners to build some confidence.

Warm up started good, and then the nerves kicked in.  I reverted back to pulling and not breathing. Wonder Pony carted me around a few times but then she stopped. And stopped. (Not doing anything to fix it while representing was not a bright move, and remember my coach was not there). Thankfully Amy (who I'd done a mini XC clinic with the week before) stepped up to help me. We got back into a good rhythm and ended on a really good note.

Fence one was set at a hard 90° from the startbox and you had to cross the road. It made getting a decent canter very challenging. Add in my nerves and we had a stop. I represented and Dee deer-jumped from the shortest distance but we got over it.

Fence 2 and 3 were also set in ways that made a rhythm nearly impossible to find but we got it done. Both were galloping fences and we actually galloped, with minimal pulling.

Fence 4 is basically right behind the spruce tree on the right

Fence 4 was off another sharp turn but rode really nice.

There was a full minute gallop from 4 to 5. Dee took this to heart and boogied. I tried getting her back about 2/3 of the way and she was having none of it. It was a fairly narrow lane through the trees so there wasn't really anywhere to circle. We ended up blowing by fence 5(the faux keyhole) picking up our second 20. I ran her into th trees to get her back and came at it again. She ducked out to the left again and I barely managed to monkey myself back into the saddle.

At this point I was mad (at both of us) and I rode the snot out of the re-approach. We got over it, and the jump judges gave us the loudest cheer, making me smile.

Next onto the terrain question, it was a downhill turn to the left and then a steep uphill to a cabin at the crest of the hill. A sharp right turn to a very steep downhill again. Once again, I over-rode it, knowing we couldn't afford any more stops. Which caused us to get in close to the base but Dee isn't Best Pony for no reason.

7 was the corner, with a long option to an oxer. We took the option as planned and had a great ride through to fence 8, a max width table.

Fence 8 is beihnd the flower pot (you can just see the flags)

The corner is basically just to the left of this photo.
You come around the bend and it's just there, setting up for a great left run-out

Fence 9 was heading into the infield and rode lovely.

Photo by Sarah's Equine Design

This brought us into the twisty turny water. 10 was a ramp with a fairly short turn to 11, a drop into the water. The plan was to take the direct route, unless Dee was super amped, then we planned to take a big right turn to get her back and collected to drop into the water.

You can see the drop at the very edge of the left side of the photo

She's fabulous about dropping into water but the next fence was another corner that I was going to take the option, which meant as soon as we hit the water we needed to exit stage right, rather than cantering straight through.

Photo by Sarah's Equine Design

As she had already ran away on me once I took the safe route and added the circle. It rode really nice and we got a great turn in the water, heading to the ramp option.

Sandra later told me that this measures as a Prelim corner

13 was a large brush fence that rode great.

Fence 14 was a hanging log on a downhill slope that went very well.

15ABC was the coffin. My plan was to get very close to the tree line to get the straight line and then just ride for C. I once again probably over rode this, which resulted in a funky distance to the first fence but we got it done foot perfect otherwise.

C was giant!

16 was a bench alongside the parking. Sandra wanted me to over ride this one as the parking lot can be chaotic and distracting. This went well with how I was already riding but Dee couldn't' have cared less.

17 was a roll top off sharp turn on a hill. Turns out over riding everything allows me to really nail the galloping fences :)

18AB was an offset cabin line. I rode (according to plan) the first at a fairly steep angle to get a straight line to the skinny at B.

Up the hill to 19. We got in super close so it wasn't pretty but "over or through" right?

Down the hill and a wonky turn (you basically had to overshoot the jump to get the line) to 20 and into the water to a chevron on the way out.

By Fence 22 I was determined to finish and once again over rode it but we crossed the finish. 80 jumping and 26.4 time penalties, but still a number.

With the stops and the options I came in at 7:18 (OT was 6:07). I knew Dee was going to be hot and puffing, but the vet wouldn't take a baseline.

I walked her for a couple minutes before he pulsed her. She pulsed in high (104) but her respiration was already recovering.

Isabel and Martini crossed the finish at this point and vetted in with no issues. When they left Dee proceeded to have a melt down, screaming her head off and trying to run me over. Needless to say, when they pulsed her again, it was still high.

I told the vet I was going to run to the wash rack to try and get her cooled out with water (there was no water at the finish). He told me that I had to be back in 3 minutes to pulse again.

I made it back in just under 3 minutes but Dee was still being a twerp. He took her pulse but didn't tell me what it was and told me that I could go. His exact words were "Ok, you can go".

Back at the trailer we continued to get water on/off her because I knew she hadn't fully recovered. Within minutes of being beside Martini with some water to cool her off she was back to resting pulse and respiration. I was concerned about how long it took her to recover but everyone assured me that it was hot (27° with 80% humidity), she was out there for a over a minute than most and she was being a herd bound idiot.

Getting ready on Sunday morning for show jumping someone came and told me that someone had been looking for me at my stall.

There was a note on my stall from a member of the ground jury. I tracked her down and she told me that the vet had eliminated me with concerns about my horse's fitness. I was absolutely floored. I told her that I was not going to dispute it, as equine welfare always comes first but that why hadn't the vet said something to me, someone from the ground jury let me know earlier (this was 40 minutes before my ride time). She told me that they didn't' find out until late the previous night as the vet had just left them a note.

A thing to note, there is no Equine Canada rule about having to vet in at the finish. In fact, Alberta is the only place to require it outside of the international levels. There has been much discussion and debate about this non-rule stipulation. Many feel that it is a waste of time and money and that requiring us to pulse down before we have the opportunity to properly cool our horse off (almost none of the course have water at the finish) is counter productive. Because this isn't an actual rule, the vet does not have the grounds to eliminate someone. They can express their concern to the GJ and make recommendations but it ultimately falls to the GJ to eliminate someone.

Adorable dog to break up the text

This vet has a history of being a disruptive dick. He's eliminated people (an 8 year old to be exact) because their horse has an arrhythmia, despite having a health certificate that the horse is fit to compete. He's consistently rude and not a single person I spoke to had anything good to say about him.

I was extremely upset (cue the frustrated tears). Everyone who knows me was shocked, as my horse is very fit. My previous coach went so far as to tell me that she was sure my horse is probably the most fit out of our group of 6 riders and to not worry about it.

The more I considered it, the more angry I got. The vet had a concern about my horse. A legitimate one, as she was not pulsing down as she should. But he told me I was good to go. If I was less experienced I may have just tossed her back in her stall without additional cooling, which could have catastrophic implications.

As a vet he has an ethical responsibility to the welfare of the horse. As a paid contractor he has a legal responsibility to help mitigate Equine Canada and the organizers liability. He failed on both counts. This is what makes me the most angry. He should have been involved until Dee was actually fully cooled out and he was confident she was going to be ok.

I did end up speaking with the TD after I had calmed down and she was great. Once she understood that I was not trying to fight it she listened and was helpful. She was shocked that the vet had let me go without saying anything. I did tell her that if he had mentioned his concern I would have gone and grabbed her buddy so she would settle down. I also would have brought her back to get her checked out after I felt she was cooled out, even if I had known about the elimination because her welfare is the most important thing, not a completion.

Dee enjoying a nap while we waited to leave

And to add insult to injury my rig was blocked in, so I couldn't leave. I would have been able to leave by 10 but ended up pulling out at 4. Definitely not my best weekend.


TL:DR Crappy dressage with great photos. Even crappier XC, (3 stops), eliminated by a vet who apparently doesn't understand his responsibilities. Overall, shitty weekend. But hey, great photos!

Blog Hop: Fuck Yeah!

Quite possibly the best blog hop yet has been brought to us by Beckz of I Will Jump Sweet Jumps.

I struggle with anxiety and panic attacks surrounding jumping since the Red Mare destroyed my ankle and then systematically destroyed my confidence. Because of this I love the idea of a post where I can collect some of my favourite badass moments. I'm going to come back here when I need a reminder that I am, in fact, a badass eventer.

I fell off later in this lesson, but at this moment it was for sure "Fuck Yeah"

Winning my first Extreme Trail class on my former PSG dressage pony turned eventer
(with a seriously bum ankle that made that stand nearly impossible)

First XC schooling with BestPony

First Hunt and first horse to have no issues with the spider

Most terrifying and exhilarating 2' jump

Rebecca Farm- Enough said

First Training, and the scariest jump on course

Stressaging like a boss

Jessica Phoenix Day 2

Day 2:

Day 2 was set up with a bunch of stadium exercises, including everyone's favourite Circle of Death.

The Circle of Death actually went astonishingly well once it went up to jumps. As poles, we struggled with rhythm (shocking, I know). But when it comes time to jump Dee becomes more rideable.

The outside line was a vertical to an oxer to a vertical. It was set so that both were either a 4 or a 5. We practiced going through in both. It may not have always been pretty but I was successful in getting the 4 to a 4 and the 5 to a 5. I was feeling really nervous, despite the fences being set fairly small. I was pretty proud of how I rode the beginning, despite my nerves.

But my pony is cute and honest!

Then one of the girls in our group starting having major problems with her horse. He would buck and kick out and just kept getting worse. Jessica talked her through almost 10 minutes of schooling and then offered to get on him herself. While it was really interesting to watch her school the sassy beast and convince him that going forward was his only option, it was also a time drain. She rode for close to 20 minutes, meaning that over 1/2 hour of our 90 minute lesson was focused solely on one horse and one rider.


I did my best to keep Dee moving so she didn't get stiff but the arena was chilly and there was only so much I could do. The extended break also did not help my nerves. The longer we sat, the more nervous I got. Unfortunately I think that Jessica was feeling pretty poorly (she had a cold) and we didn't really get much out of the last few minutes of the lesson. It felt like the issues I was having were never really addressed and I was pretty disappointed at the end.

She's so excited to be jumping

It was a little frustrating that on the day where I could have used some more help, the circumstances seemed to pile up against me. On a positive note, I may have been feeling anxious, but I didn't have a panic attack and while I wasn't super effective as a rider, I also wasn't a complete passenger.

Anxiety... Bitch That She Is

As I've discussed before, I struggle with anxiety surrounding jumping. After I had my wreck, it got worse and worse until it developed into full-blown panic attacks.

I had multiple sessions with a psychologist (also a 3* eventer) this summer and I really noticed a difference. After my first session with her in July I was able to finish out my show season without any crippling anxiety.

I also take sporadic clinics with the good Dr. It's great to have a team that gets it.

I had planned to take the first part of our off-sesaon to focus strictly on dressage. And then I got offered one of the last spots in a Jessica Phoenix clinic. I couldn't turn that down! I started doing weekly jumping lessons again, in preperation for the clinic. The first two went well, ending with us bopping around a 3' course like NBD. For some reason the next one is where everything fell apart.

The course had some really challenging elements but was definitely within our abilities. The first time around the course was fine. And then the fences went up two holes (bringing the fences anywhere from 2'9"-3'3"), and it all fell apart. I struggled to cope with the meteoric rise in anxiety. I utilized all the tools that had allowed me to have such a wonderful summer.

It just wasn't enough. While I didn't have an actual panic attack, I did feel like one was building. I guess I did succeed in recognizing it, but I didn't feel like I could get past it. My instructor actually made me grab the neck strap with both hands and I was not allowed to let go. Thankfully Dee steers really well off my seat and legs and has a good understanding of neck reining. This really took most of the responsibility out of my hands and Dee carted me around like the Best Pony she is.

Its frustrating and demoralizing to have lesson like these ones. While I did end on a decent note, it wasn't fun, I didn't feel like I learned anything and more than anything it felt like a step back.

Then today my ballroom instructor posted this on Facebook.

So I guess I'll just Cha-Cha my way into the clinic this weekend. And schedule another appointment with the psychologist.