|Long slow straight distances|
|Best Pony thinks water is great fun|
And with company...
|DogDog is fat and needs more exercise so she comes on our walks|
We've been going for daily walks that last between 60 and 90 minutes. This gives me plenty of time for introspection. I've been thinking alot about how much anxiety I have because of jumping. Frankly, I'm terrified on a regular basis. I rode my friend's Training level packer in a lesson over fences that were 2'6" - 2'9" and I spent a good portion of the lesson just trying to breathe through the anxiety. I knew that no matter what happened Martini would take care of me and yet I still struggled.
Before the red mare and my accident I had no concept of this kind of fear. Now it is a daily struggle. I have a safe and honest horse. I'm a good rider with a solid seat. Yet, cantering down to a 2'6" oxer can paralyze me with fear.
But I keep coming back to it. Eventing has a hold of my heart and no amount of misplaced anxiety seems to be loosening it's grip. So I keep saddling up and keep giving it a solid effort. Some days are highs and some are lows but every day is still a step in the right direction.
Today I came across this post and it resonated with me so strongly I immediately had to write this post.
Always one more time has been my philospohy, Alexandra Franzen just gave me the right words to describe it.
When I get disheartened I will remind myself. I will softly repeat it every time I feel like giving up. I will recount is loudly every time I canter up to a XC fence that unnerves me.
Always one more time.